Catch the Light
by Szki
Summary: "You were never the silent one," Sasuke accuses.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto.

* * *

The first time he acknowledges Sakura as a person is back in Academy when the results of exams come out.

There's a small crowd in front of the board in the hall so he leans on the wall, hands in his pockets and glows in silence. He doesn't have to go all the way to the board since his name can be seen at the top of the list, with his picture, personal information and a total score of 99 points out of 100.

He ignores the squeals and happy yelling of many _"Good job, Sasuke-kun!"_ lines and waits for the crowd to disappear so he can check out his rivals' results. Eventually few girls approach him to smile and praise him, but when he says nothing in return, they leave. He makes sure that no one's around before he makes his way to the board because he doesn't want other people to know that he might feel threatened.

Right below his name is a picture of a girl he's never noticed before - pink hair, red ribbon, green eyes, huge forehead and a small, shy smile. She must have approached him before but he had made no effort to remember her face.

He glances at her name, lifting his eyebrows.

Haruno Sakura, total score of 97 points.

Right below her name, comes up Nara Shikamaru, but his only excuse is being lazy, Sasuke knows that a genius could beat him any day when it comes to strategy, but when it comes to combat or fight, there's no one as good as Sasuke.

He tries to remember Sakura girl and her fighting style from exercises they had, but fails miserably.

So he frowns, pushes his hands back in the safe place of his pockets and realizes that he's not sure how to feel about her.

Last on the list is a clown of the class, loud Uzumaki boy, with a score of 53 points.

Sasuke smirks and turns around to leave only to bump into someone's petite body.

"Ohh!" The girl squeals, grabbing his shirt to prevent the fall. He gets a hold of her arms just in time to keep his balance.

At first it's only pink he sees. Then he makes out her thick eyelashes, vibrant green of her eyes, dilated pupils and some freckles. She seems shocked and he's doing his best to keep his cool. Slowly, just as he expects it to happen, blush starts spreading from the back of her neck to the top of her forehead as her facial expression turns to frantic one. Immediately he lets go of her arms, not failing to notice how soft her skin is and how fragile her arms feel under his arms.

_Not_ fit to be a ninja, he thinks.

As soon as he lets go of her, Sakura pushes herself of off him, bowing down more than twice and muttering lots of "Sorry, sorry," all the while blushing.

He gives her the usual – _Hn_, straightening his back and avoiding her eyes. They are too light and give away too much fear for him to handle, so he turns around to leave.

"Eh," she mumbles nervously making him stop in the middle of a hall.

He doesn't turn around to face her but he remains silent to show her that he's listening.

"I am Sakura," she gives a muttered whisper then coughs, raising her voice, "Sakura Haruno."

Sasuke stares forward, thinking. He's one hundred percent sure she already knows who he is and is quiet positive that she's stalked him more than twice but since she was polite enough to introduce herself he decides to offer a silent, "Uchiha Sasuke," and keep walking.

"Congrats on your score, Sasuke-kun," she adds, half yelling to make sure that he can hear her.

"Yeah," he says in the same tone, choosing not to thank or face her. He keeps walking until he reaches the main door and then he adds, "You too."

He doesn't need to turn around to see how much her face resembles the color of her scarlet dress.

He knows.

* * *

It doesn't take him too long to realize that her fighting style is simply pitiable.

He thought that if she stood so well with theory, she would be able to use that in reality, but contradictory to his thoughts, that was her biggest problem.

Perhaps it wasn't her incapability to master some jutsu but rather the build of her body and the amount of chakra she possessed.

He notices all of this, while standing hidden in a tree, watching her train. She counts her moves and cries even when she gets the smallest of cuts. She's quick to give up and is easily angered. He wonders why someone like her wants to become a ninja. There's nothing about her that shows want and eagerness or ambition to fight or hurt somebody.

He almost sneers at her lousy attempts at throwing shuriken or avoiding kunai her clone throws at her, but he stays silent so he won't reveal his position.

As expected, when she cuts herself one more time, she throws all her weapons on the ground and cries out in rage, tugging at her hair. He can't understand how she's able to see with such a long hair and scowls at her stupidity, inwardly criticizing her for not tying it up.

Then her breathing evens and she gets up, straightening her back and bringing her hands together to make hand seals.

Instantly, Sasuke recognizes the signs, Tiger, Horse and the rest of them, shocked. Is she really trying to do a Fireball justu?

He rolls his eyes and jumps in front of her, unable to watch such a disgrace to his family's traditional jutsu.

"You suck," he says quietly, ignoring her surprised yell and accusing eyes.

She blushes faster than any other girl he's seen before.

"Why, I, well..." She mutters, looking everywhere just so she won't have to look at him, "How long have you been here?" she asks at last, it almost makes him snap.

"Long enough to see that you suck," he says and she doesn't have to try and notice that he's angry.

Embarrassed and humiliated, she says nothing.

"Why that jutsu?" He asks and immediately gets angry at himself for bothering to talk to her, even more so because he knows that she'll brag about it to all her friends.

If it's possible, she blushes more after she hears his question.

"I saw it in a book and wanted to try and perform it."

"What book?" He snaps.

She mumbles something incoherently and sways on the spot. Then, as she feels his stare on her, she glances at the tree behind Sasuke and repeats, more loudly now, "Uchiha eyes and fighting technique, volume tree, chapter eleven."

He's not impressed. In fact, he gets more and more annoyed as he looks at her. He hates how her exam scores are so close to his, how she wants to learn _his_ fighting secrets, how she says Sasuke-_kun_ even though he gave her no permission to use the suffix, how she's just like the rest of those fan girls. He takes one step away from her and uncharacteristically brushes the back of his neck.

"Why would you want to learn Uchiha clan jutsu?" He demands to know more than he asks.

Her head falls down in defeat as she starts fidgeting around, playing with the ends of her dress.

"I, uh," she blushes furiously, "I really admire Sasuke-kun, so I wanted, I mean, uh, I hoped that in the future, I could, we could, ehh…" She doesn't dare to speak more but it's not like she has to. Sasuke's face becomes warm and he feels his palms getting sweaty. What the-! For such a shy girl that was so sudden!

"Tch," he says, avoiding her big wondering eyes. There's a tint of pink on his cheeks as he turns his back to her and starts walking away, embarrassed.

"Sasuke-kun!" She shouts after him and once again, he stops in the middle of his walk. He can practically _hear_ the smile in her voice and he doesn't know why it annoys him that much. "Perhaps in the future you can be the one that'll teach me!"

Sasuke shakes his head, heading to the training fields.

He's not sure why the idea seems less annoying than her smile.

* * *

There's a day in Konoha on which people who have lost a certain somebody can stay at home, go to grave with their families, bring flowers and greet their loved ones. If a person has lost more than two family members, it was allowed to stay at home more than two days.

Up to that year, in Konoha Academy, students would only stay at home around one-two days, like Hyuuga Neji and Hinata, two-three, like Uzumaki clown, but today is a first time that Sakura doesn't see Sasuke in Academy. The thought of him losing someone leaves her feeling more sad than confused and there is sort of an unwanted scary feeling in the depths of her stomach. She doesn't want Sasuke to change.

The next morning, when she comes to Academy, with a brand new dress and shiny shurikens, she's surprised to see that he's missing again. The rest of girls are sharing her thoughts, she notices, since most of them are pushing each other around Sasuke's empty seat to engrave something in his desk, but Sakura's feeling too down to go and fight with them.

Instead she counts days.

One week.

Three weeks.

Some of the girls ask Iruka-sensei about Sasuke's whereabouts, but sensei refuses to say a thing. Then, most of them leave for a lunch break and go out in the courtyard, laughing. Sakura uses that opportunity to take Sasuke's empty seat and stare at many "Miss you Sasuke-kun~" and "Come back, Sasuke-kun~" engraved in his desk. She hugs his desk, wishing to feel his smell, which she could only guess has faded away long ago.

Forty five days pass.

Then fifty two days.

Defeated, once the classes are over, Sakura takes her green pen, sits down on his seat and finds a little empty corner to the left and she writes. She feels embarrassed and she might be wrong in her suspicions but she's so close to giving up on him that she has to do this.

The next day when she enters the classroom, she spots Sasuke at his usual seat, surrounded by a bunch of enthusiastic girls. He seems annoyed as he scans the words on his desk, signed by those who wrote them.

_When you come back, we can go out. Ino_~

Iruka-sensei comes in and soon enough everyone's back at their places, waiting for him to start the class.

Sasuke takes out his notebook and a pen, before he catches a glimpse of green at the corner of his desk.

_52 days is enough members to make an entire clan._

Cold washes through him as air leaves his lungs.

Who the hell-?

He searches for a signature or anything that might show him who was the person that wrote this.

Below the sentence is a small drawing of a Sakura petal, painted in pink.

A sudden rage feels his body and he finds it impossible to pay attention to the whole lesson. Instead he growls under his breath and waits for the bell to ring and as soon as he hears it, he takes after Sakura, furious.

If she seems surprised when she sees him in front of her, angry and pissed, she does her best not to show how intimidated he makes her feel.

"I was on _a trip_," he spits at her face.

She doesn't blink. "Where to?" Sakura asks, her expression a sad one.

Sasuke's breathing becomes rapid as he takes in her appearance, from the new red dress, longer strands of pink, stupidstupidstupid shiny hair and unimpressed, vibrant eyes that just don't seem to buy his lie.

"What?" He snarls, surprised that she even dared question what he said.

"I asked," she says calmly, though he can still hear a slight note of fear she tries to suppress, "Where to, Sasuke-kun?"

He grits his teeth, his fingers playing with kunai in his pockets. "None of your damn business."

Her resolve is slowly breaking and he can see the tears at the corner of her eyes. "I just wanted, uh," she takes a deep breath to continue but he doesn't let her do so.

"Just back the fuck away," he orders and his voice leaves no room for further talk. He sends her one last glare, before turning around and storming of to the courtyard.

With that, all of her hard work at getting closer to him goes to waste. He avoids her even more so than before and when she tries to strike a conversation or apologize, he turns around, clearly telling her to leave him alone.

Five days later, Sasuke finds a packet in front of his porch with notebooks that have notes for all fifty two days he has missed in Academy.

They are all written with green pen.

* * *

It's only natural they end up on the same team.

Sasuke doesn't mind it that much since he decides that he doesn't really care about Sakura girl or any other girl for that matter.

It's really terrifying how much she knows about him. She bakes heart-shaped cookies for his birthday, brings tomatoes for team-gatherings in Ichiraku and never fails to take a seat next to him. She always smiles.

It's annoying.

"Sasuke-kun! Let's swim!" She shouts one morning, while they are waiting for Kakashi to appear, but Sasuke refuses her offer immediately. He's not surprised when she stays beside him, while they watch Naruto make clones and play with them in the river. His eyebrows twitch as he feels the skin of her shoulder on his, but it seems like Sakura is completely oblivious to the fact that they are _touching_. He grits his teeth and hopes for Kakashi's arrival.

"Ah, look at the cherry blossoms, Sasuke-kun," she points above, at the pink tree and Sasuke lifts his eyes in time to see pink petals dance in the wind, mixing with Sakura's laughter. Her hair moves too, blends with the color, contrasting with the reddish blush on her face and she looks ridiculously happy, for no apparent reason.

The sun shines through the branches of a tree and her pink strands catch the light as her laughter rings in Sasuke's ears.

But he doesn't really care about Sakura girl or any other girl for that matter.

* * *

"Don't mention Orochimaru or this mark to Naruto," surprisingly enough, Sasuke doesn't feel guilty for forcing her to lie for him.

"But-"

"We can't make him worry. It's part of a teamwork as well."

Sakura looks at the ground. Sasuke looks at her.

He can't swallow properly.

He starts from the bottom of her petite body. Bruises, from her toenails to her bloody knees. Two, four, eleven scars, he counts. His heart beats faster. Nervously, once again failing to swallow, he lifts his gaze above. Torn ends of her dress, mud, few blood stains. _What if they touc-_

He doesn't dare finish that thought.

Breathing heavily, Sasuke purposefully _ignores_ her chipped nails, bruised fingers and small scarred palms of hers. Blood rushes through his veins as he observes her hair. Immediately his eyes find hers and Sakura blushes, embarrassed, humiliated, tears filling her eyes and she looks away, not being able to hold his stare.

"I… I heard that," she says through gritted teeth, still staring at the ground, "I heard that Sasuke-kun likes girls with long hair."

He swallows finally.

It's gone. The hair she's been brushing with so much hope, _annoying_ hair that always got in a way when she was training, the hair that catches light of a sun, he remembers.

He feels uncomfortable.

"I think," he can't say 'like' nor 'admire', but he feels like he owes her something, "I think it's more important for a girl to be _strong_."

Her broken smile cracks something in the depth of his stomach.

* * *

The only time Sakura goes to a funeral is at the age of twelve when they bury the third Hokage. Sasuke, on the other hand, was on fifty two funerals, each for one member of his clan. Later on, Sakura would remind herself of this small detail, whenever she thought she was close to losing that final bit of connection with Sasuke.

When he walks into her, that night in front of the Hokage's mountain, he doesn't question her tears. She's not sure whether it's because he already knew why she wept or because he, once again, wanted to distance himself from her and the others. Instead of saying some words of comfort or any words, considering the fact it's Sasuke we're talking about, he stands in front of Sakura, throwing a slight shadow over her shaking body and proudly lifts his chin to stare at the faces of the four Hokages.

"Shinobi shouldn't cry after heroes," he states, surprising her with his soft, yet deep voice. She blinks slowly, thinking about his words and cracks an ugly, barely visible smile. Her hands rub her red, prickling eyes, cleaning the tears as she struggles to get up and stand next to him.

"Was he?" She asks.

"Hn?"

"Was the third Hokage your hero, Sasuke-kun? Given that you are not crying after him," she says, moving closer to him, comforted by his distant, yet relaxing body heat. He doesn't tell her to go away. She steals short glances at him, looking for some sort of expression.

"No, he wasn't."

They are both silent after that. Sasuke starts walking and Sakura, startled, moves her legs in order to catch up with him. She was never known to waste her opportunities with him. He must be enjoying the silence surrounding them, she thinks, but yet feels that it's hard to breathe like this.

"About your seal-"

"-Orochimaru is a powerful shinobi. Not even Hokage could stop him."

Tears fall from emerald's depth before she can stop them. Sakura isn't stupid, she can count two and two, he'd leave to find Orochimaru, or Orochimaru would come after him, it doesn't matter. She clenches the sleeve of his navy blue shirt and curses inwardly this _stupid boy_, this stupid, reckless _young boy_ who doesn't seem to get what she's been trying to tell him. "Sorry," she whispers between sobs, pulling on her lower lip, "Sorry, I get it, I get it, we shouldn't cry after-"

"I am no hero," Sasuke says, his fingers grasping her own soft ones in a rare and gentle way which has nothing to do with his fighting style and brutal fists. His hands are warm, she memorizes, slowly caressing hers, as he pulls her hand away from his body and lets his eyes linger a bit longer on her lower lip.

As she watches him walk away, fall's breeze blowing her short hair, reminding her to lift her chin, reminding her to admire those who died for the village, Sakura cries harder.

* * *

"Thank you," Sasuke says before he knocks her out.

For Sasuke, "thank you" is appropriate.

Thank you means many things.

For instance, he hates heart-shaped cookies, but he appreciates the fact that she made them for him. _Thank you_ is there for hand-holding in the Forest of Death and it's also there for her confession. She's not the first girl that confesses to him, but she's the first girl whose confession Sasuke considers.

He's selfish so he doesn't say, 'sorry,' or 'find someone else,' because he doesn't want her to. He's selfish but not enough to give her false hopes or promises. He gives that _thank you_ and leaves her to ponder about its meaning.

He puts her on the bench and takes a deep breath, before he scans her face again. Swollen eyes, pink eyelashes, wet lips.

He stares some more at her lips.

Then he lifts his gaze to her wide forehead.

He presses his lips against it. He doesn't kiss it, no, Sasuke doesn't do kisses. It's not goodbye, he doesn't do goodbyes either.

It's severing of a bond.

It's very appropriate, he thinks.

* * *

Sakura thinks a lot about Sasuke.

Three months, two weeks and five days later, she's no better.

Usually, she follows her boring routine, makes sure that she won't have time to waste.

She gets up at six, leaves for hospital and examines medical books Tsunade lent her. That takes about three to four hours of her time, before she hurries to training grounds to meet her new mentor. Three months, two weeks and five days later, Sakura's muscles still hurt and her bones still ache and she burns and barely stands on her feet, but she keeps training like everything's fine.

Her feelings toward Tsunade are mixed, there's fear of course, the kind one has to feel for elders, confusion regarding her drinking habits and huge amount of respect, but that kind of respect Sakura and other villagers reserve only for hokages. She sees many sides of her mentor, the polite one when she speaks to important people, friendly or motherly one when she hangs out with Shizune and unfortunately for Sakura, the worst one that comes out only when Tsunade trains her.

There are too many names that Tsunade throws at her while she learns new jutsu, there are also many lines Sakura will never forget, such as, "No! Stupid girl! That's not how you do it! Do you plan to be this useless on the battlefield as well?" Though, Kakashi-sensei never called her dumb, or hopeless case or worthless, Sakura's thankful for all the time Tsunade spends on her, because no one before believed she had _potential_.

Training is painful, but it's a nice sort of pain, the one that pays off, so Sakura doesn't spend much time thinking about it.

Everything's fine when she trains, the problem comes after, when she gets home, takes a shower and realizes that she has six more hours before the night falls.

It's only three months, two weeks and five days later and Sakura changes drastically. She's got her first period, changed her bra size, she took chunin exams again, passed them as well, became Tsunade's apprentice, started hanging out with Ino again and seeing the rest of Rookie Twelve. There are many new things and there's...

...there's Sasuke.

When training's over, she's all alone with wondering thoughts in her bedroom.

Unable to talk to Sasuke personally, she feels enormous need to talk to someone about him.

While helping Ino in Yamanaka Flower Shop, she feels new hope awakening inside her, because once, Ino swore to harbor the same feelings for Sasuke as she did, so Ino must be feeling the same way now. They _do_ talk about him, on more than one occasion and Sakura likes to think that it makes her feel better.

Like, for example, when they go through the Rose sections and Ino says dreamily, "Do you remember his fighting stance? He was just _so_ cool. There's no one here as confident and handsome as he was."

"Do you remember-" Sakura stops herself in the middle of a question. Accidentally she cuts petals. She was about to ask Ino whether she remembered that time Sasuke refused to swim and they watched cherry blossoms together only to realize that Ino wasn't there. Ino couldn't remember that Sasuke always preferred shuriken to kunai, couldn't remember that he always had to sleep on his stomach or that Sasuke-kun always scored 99 points on every single test he ever took or that Sasuke-kun thinks it's right not to cry after heroes or how soft Sasuke-kun's voice is when he says _"thank you"_ and Ino can't-

Ino never-

"Sakura? You okay?"

"He wasn't that confident, you know," Sakura whispers and her fingers clench when she remembers that time at the roof and the Forest of Death and all those times Sasuke showed his insecurity regarding ninja who were better than him.

"What are you talking about?" Ino laughs nervously, carefully watching Sakura's grimace.

Ino never _knew _the real Sasuke.

Before she can make more damage, Sakura excuses herself and runs out before Ino can stop her with curious questions.

Running down the road, in direction of Sasuke's apartment, Sakura desperately wishes she could talk to someone who knows, really knows Sasuke.

But Naruto's gone, he left with Jiraya. And Kakashi-sensei?

Sakura doesn't even know where he is.

She jumps on the roof of apartment and stops at his door. She can hear her own heartbeat as her hands touch the knob.

He never locked the door, she realizes.

_Was it because there was nothing important to leave?_

_Was it because you never planned on returning back?_

The door crack open under her touch and she slowly walks in, gulping and shaking. It's dusty and dark, but the curtains are up, the way Sasuke left them. It's her first time being in Sasuke's room and even though she feels guilty for breaking in, she takes her time to check it out. White walls, furniture with sharp angles in traditional Japanese style and she remembers, there were so many traditional things that marked Sasuke, starting with the emblem of the Uchiha clan that seemed to be on many walls of his apartment, including the doors.

No photographs, no paintings. No TV, no radio, no video games. She never asked about his music preference or the movies he liked. Still shaking, she moves toward the bookshelf next to his bed and stares at the dusty covers. Most of them are about Uchiha clan, regarding its long history, eye techniques and various justu based on fire and earth elements. Other half of bookshelf consists mostly of history books, some classics, haiku poets and surprisingly, medical books.

She never asked about his favorite book either.

Other than books, there was nothing else in his apartment, except for fighting tools and ninja weapons. His time was fully dedicated to improving himself, she realizes. _How was it, living in a place like this, Sasuke-kun?_

As she moves toward his bed, Sakura comes to realize that she's crying as her fingers touch her wet face and hesitating, as if someone was about to catch her here, she lays down on his pillows.

Sasuke's smell suffocates her and suddenly Sakura's crying loudly, fidgeting in his sheets and sniffling and wishing for something or someone to fill that awful emptiness which keeps following her wherever she goes.

_Is this how you felt? Is this why you had to leave?_

There are so many things she never asked him.

Crying, Sakura realizes that perhaps she too doesn't know the real Sasuke.

* * *

Later on, when Sasuke remembers Konoha, he always stops when Sakura's face pops in his mind.

She's irrelevant. Naruto too.

He trains until he drops unconscious. There are many experiments in Orochimaru's base. There are also many deformed, extraordinary human beings and he always feels sick when they approach him. He spends most of his time with Orochimaru, either training or talking about training. He's not a fool, he knows what kind of plans Orochimaru holds for him.

In Sound, he meets a girl named Karin.

More like, he sees her stalking him on few occasions before she decides to introduce herself. She says she remembers him from the chunin exams. He protected her from a giant bear, she says.

Sasuke doesn't remember.

There are only handful of things he remembers from chunin exams, seal, Forest of Death and murder of the Third Hokage.

He rarely answers Karin's questions and he opts for simply tolerating her.

Sometimes, after training, they sit on the wooden roof of a building he lives in. Karin brings food, but nothing special of course.

Eventually, Sasuke forgets what good food tastes like.

"Sasuke-kun," she shouts one day, sitting down next to him, "Do you want some apples?"

He turns to her, ignores her wide smile, (_how could anyone smile in a place like this?_) and stares at the bowl in her hand.

Once, he pushed a similar pale hand, with no bite marks, nails painted in green and he remembers apples flying around his bed.

"I hate apples," he snaps.

_They taste bittersweet._

* * *

**A/N:** I seriously need a Beta! So if anyone's willing to do this tiresome job, feel free to PM me. Just to let you know, rating might change.

I don't plan to make this one long, there are only going to be about two or three more chapters before I end this fanfic.

Thanks for reading!

- Suzuki


End file.
